ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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