He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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