You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
