So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
