i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
