I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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