you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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