She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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