my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
