Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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