I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
