Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
