brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
