You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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