It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
