Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
