Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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