I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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