Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
