are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
