I think I won the penis lottery.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
