He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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