If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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