Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I got chris browned last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
