have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
