Having a random hookup so left but love u
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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