Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
