i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
