okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
