The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
