Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
