I want to walk on stilts...naked
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
