I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
