There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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