Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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