I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
