Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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