pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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