The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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