i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
