they need to just BURY HIM!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
