half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
