So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
