Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come on in and take your pants off
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