I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
