I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Randomize
