Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
