Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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