look no pants
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
