How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
