I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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