I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
